On managing a Radio-Shack...
Sat, 29 Jul 2000 09:02:31 -0400
On Being Average
by Tim Loughner
"I am just a dude."
That is what I say to myself when I look into my extra large bathroom
mirror every morning as I try to flex my muscles which
are buried under my blubbery "winter insulation." No matter how much I
like to think I am God's gift to Man, I am shot down
by my own self-actualization that I am simply: Average.
Like most men, I enjoy the finer things in life: beer, home-theater, and
a good steak. I won't kid anyone into thinking that I
enjoy long talks, walks on the beach and romantic comedies, because I
don't. I like my chili hot, my music loud, and sitting on
my butt watching made for TV movies at two in the afternoon.
Somewhere along the lines of man's evolution into the modern age, the
pure and simple beauty of being
your-lazy-good-for-nothing-self was degraded into a happy, touchy-feely,
"I'm sorry" wuss of a man. One moment a guy got
the chicks if he toted a gun and a 5 o'clock shadow, the next moment he
is eating granola and drinking cappuccino's while
watching Mad About You. Once men tuned up their muscle cars on Sunday
afternoons while drinking half a case of beer, now
they get dragged by their leashes to shopping malls and actually look
like they might enjoy looking for that 40th pair of shoes
with their wives.
What has happened to embracing that which we men hold dear? Is it the
Twilight Zone? Unsolved Mysteries? Invasion of the
Body Snatchers? Only primetime TV provides the answers to the disturbing
reality that man is slowly becoming... woman.
After leaving a budding career as a surgical technologist, I chose to do
what I like better - the Internet and sales. The Internet
for obvious reasons like sitting on your butt for hours and sales for
what I sell: electronics. Yes folks, by night I edit and publish
The American Partisan, by day I manage a Radio Shack.
I love working for the Shack. For starters, I get to play with lots of
cool toys, get paid very well, and get a nice employee
discount. But I am going to go a bit deeper, perhaps even a little
sensitive here--you see, we save lives at Radio Shack.
Malls are Hell on Earth for real men. Between the endless rows of
women's clothing stores and the swarms of mall-rats
spreading the Plague, Radio Shack is a virtual Mecca. There it stands,
alone in the cold abyss like a life-raft in an endless sea
of anti-man merchandising. Name another guy store in a mall... try it.
Oh sure, you can find a Big 5 Sporting goods store or
something along those lines. Many point to Eddie Bauer as a guys store,
but what real man shops there?
At the Shack, guys can breath the fresh, unscented air and talk about RF
modulators and CB radios. We watch the game on
satellite TV, play handheld poker games and listen to classic rock on 18
different radios. This is our version of crying on each
other's shoulders about how much we hate being dragged by our testicles
to the mall. In this small way guys are allowed to be
just "dudes" as opposed to "wussies."
Being a single guy, I enjoy the luxury of dirtying every dish in the
house with cans of pork 'n' beans mixed with BBQ sauce. I
can leave my smelly socks in the middle of the living room floor with
only my roommate to add more. But most importantly,
the toilet seats stays up! And why do we need to put toilet paper on the
roll anyway? It's just fine on the bathroom counter.
Men need to embrace this. Why? Because that is what we are, and those
who won't 'fess up must have that whip cracking
just bit extra hard or be a bit feminine themselves.
I am not suggesting in becoming such a slob that your house becomes
unsanitary. Yes guys, there is a time that you should
clean the pubic hairs off the toilet bowl rim (or kitchen counter...) -
do it sometime around the 15th of the month. Yes guys, you
should wash dishes at some point - usually about the time that you run
out of clean ones. Although I know it is tough, every
chore has it's time and need. I may even create a "Man's Guide to
Chores" in a future issue.
We are not alone in our struggle for equal rights of the Man Lifestyle.
TV programs like The Drew Carey Show and The Man
Show has furthered the cause and has gained recognition for the problems
facing the possible extinction of modern man as we
know it. The NFL still exists in some form and beer is still legal. We
have hope and there is still a faint light at the end of the
There is a fear of being ourselves. We must come out and say "YES! I am
a man and I am proud! Accept me for who I am."
We need to stand together as the entity of sloth.
Overcome the fear, my friends, I will be there to guide you along the
The Everyman's Must See Movie of the Week
The X-Men... beautiful women, lots of action, stuff exploding, and
beautiful women! Oh yeah, there is a message in there
about equal rights or something.